LOVE ZONE: Remaining true to your identity before marriage?

Binta is a fun-loving and outgoing lady who loves to achieve success but as she grows, her parents constantly tell her how ladies should be seen and not heard; and how making money as a single lady could prevent her from finding a husband.

What is worse? She dates a guy that takes her for granted and breaks her heart and then watches two of her aunties who have achieved success in their careers get hurt by men and she suddenly believes what her parents have told her and bottles up her true personality and takes up a quiet lady image as her SURFACE personality.

Read more about personality types here

Now all the men that chase after her are men that are attracted to quiet ladies and before long, she chooses from what is AVAILABLE and gets married to one of them, but recall that her CORE personality is fun-loving and outgoing, not quiet. (we have a clause here)

So she gets married, but not truly happy because each time she tries to be herself, she is overpowered by her spouse who is not used to hearing her speak, and like we know, no one can pretend forever hence after a while her TRUE SELF becomes a problem.

Also read, LOVE ZONE: An essential guide to finding your life partner

Her spouse starts to complain, “you have changed!” “you are not the woman I married!” etc and the problems become endless in the marriage.  

Crazy right? But most people make this mistake before going into a marriage. They hide their Core personality because they want to be perceived in a more socially acceptable way and so they pretend and get what they want for the time being but eventually become unhappy in their marriages or relationships.

For you to enjoy true happiness in your marriage, you must be bold enough to BE yourself.

Let your surface personality and your core personality be in sync. Let people know that this is you and accept you for who you are. Do not pretend to be someone else just because you want to attract a certain class of person. Being hypocritical could get you a wrong life partner that can cost you true happiness and even more. Do not be arrogant or unteachable. Constantly adjust until you are a better version of yourself and you will find that partner that will truly make you happy.

But if you are already in this situation, there is nothing a good communication cannot fix.

Our Society will be a better place when we get our family system right.

And if we say we need a better nation then its time to play our part one step at a time .

God bless us all!

If you are going through stuff in your relationship and marriage and you are puzzled and can’t seem to find someone to share with. I am just a click away. Send me an email to amaka.madugba@gmail.com